Clever, Accomplished, Sexy Woman Who Makes Her Own Money Seeks Downright Ugly, Dumpy, Grumpy, Big-mouthed Guy Half Her Height and Double Her Age For Nights of Passion

The ideal couple – and I´m not kidding!

2012 is over, thank the stars, and the carnage of  MalalaMiriam and “The Daughter of India”,  whose vagina was penetrated by an iron bar during rape, is behind us.

So as we head into 2013, by all accounts destined to be Spain´s worst year since the Invincible Armada bottomed up off the coast of Ireland, TV stations aim to bolster our spirits before the coming fray with cheery,  Año Nuevo programmes.

The ideal life is projected before us,  happiness, abundance, beauty, couture, a “leggy blonde in a long dress” and:

 ¡Chicote!  The nearest, human equivalent to a meatball with legs, even if he is a renowned chef  (in a world in which nearly all the cooking is done by women who don´t look like Sandra Sabatés).

So here´s a little quiz to keep you busy over the New Year.  What´s the relationship between the first paragraph above (the one with the carnage) and the photograph above it (the one with the carne)?

Here´s a video to help you along.

¡Feliz feminista 2013 a tod@s!

!Resolve!

 

CAPTION.  Wife: I´m going to frame the lists of New Year Resolutions we made for 2009. Where´s yours?  Husband: Up my bum I think, but I don´t really remember.

With New Year, Año Nuevo, approaching  (be very careful to use the tilde over the “n” or you´ll be addressing the tabu, not to mention medically-suspect, question of a new anus),  I´d started preparing my Top Ten New Year Resolutions.

It turned out to be a list of learning.  Learn about Spanish wine, instead of just drinking it.  Learn more Spanish history, instead of just surmising it.  Learn how to explain the Spanish language, instead of just using it.  Learn about Alcalá instead of just living in it.

Learn, learn, learn,  so much to learn.

Learn Spain!

It´s  really just one, all-encompassing New Year Resolution, I thought.   Then I remembered my own country.  How much time have I ever really spent learning about Scotland?  Not much and certainly not in an all-encompassing way.

Why not?

Why haven´t I made the understanding of my own country one of the most important, ongoing quests in my life?  Why have I had to move to another country to even consider it?

My New Year Resolution is to resolve why I never thought it useful or interesting to learn about my own country until I came to Spain.

So thank you, Spain, for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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