La Serrana de la Vera: a Spanish Wild Woman

 

La Serrana de la VeraIn Spain it´s often difficult to find popular images or concepts of women that don´t lock into the virgen/puta dichotomy.

Prostitution is booming despite, or perhaps because, of the economic crisis, with macroburdeles (brothel complexes) like those in La Jonquera engaged in turf wars over this lucrative business.

And as for saints, heavy, wooden idols of suffering, lace-clad, virginal womanhood abound.

So something different, something that helps evoke the veritable armies of Spanish women who have rejected these two stereotypes – historically and in the present – is noteworthy.

On our recent trip to Extemadura we found that noteworthy something different:  the Serrana of La Vera.  The word serrana comes from sierra (mountain range) and means a woman of rural, highland origins.  We stumbled on her statue after driving through miles of foggy woods in search of the Mirador (look out point) over Cuacos de Yuste.

In the local, popular mythos the Serrana is said to have been a woman named Isabel Carvajal who lived in Garganta de la Olla during the Middle Ages.  After an amorous dispute, in which she lost her faith in marriage, she´s said to have taken to the hills.

Writers such as the prolific Lope de Vega (1562 – 1635) then incorporated the figure of the Serrana into their literary works, inspired by the stories and songs about her in oral cultures.

The Ballad of the Wild Woman

Despite varying versions, the ballad usually tells of a tanned, blonde woman armed with a crossbow or other weapon. When the mood comes upon her, she drags men off to her cave to have sex with them before killing them.

One prisoner, a young serranillo who had been gathering firewood, manages to escape from her cave full of skulls.

The enraged Serrana is fearful the serranillo will reveal the location of her cave and so she pursues him, her sling loaded with a huge boulder.  She succeeds in knocking off the young man´s cap made of  good, fine cloth and though he laments the loss of it, nothing would induce him to go back and retrieve it from the wild creature whom he describes as a beautiful woman from the waist up and a mare from the waist down!

 

La Serrana de la Vera

Performance poster

I like this story.  But before I get hate mail accusing me of being a feminazi, I should clarify that, of course, the Serrana is hardly a model for contemporary women. Yet the principle of rebellion which she embodies is refreshing, even if she is vilified in the ballad for her crimes.

And I´m not alone in my fascination. As of 2010, the town of Garganta de la Olla has celebrated a yearly Serrana de la Vera Day, complete with dramatisations of her life.

Now a tourist attraction, to my mind the Serrana is every bit as good a draw as the tearful, submissive and passive Virgins paraded on high throughout Spain and the brothel tourism that attracts customers from across the French border.

Outwith the control of men, a legendary transgressor who was the mistress of her own destiny, the Serrana is a reminder that women can, and will, oppose a repressive social system such as the one still prevalent in Spain today, despite all the freedoms we´re supposed to enjoy in our “post-feminist” world.

Here´s a version of the ballad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rust and Rueda

La Casa

 

It´s a well-known fact that I like a good Rueda. In fact, to my mind, all Ruedas are good – greenish white, crisp, young, fruity and smooth.

Each has its own matiz  (overtone, nuance, subtlety), a little more to my liking or a little less.

But a perfectly adequate and enjoyable Rueda can be had for just under two euros a bottle at any Spanish supermarket.

As readers know, I´ve just been to Scotland where you have to be an heiress, at the very least, to purchase wine on a regular basis.

 

So I bought only one bottle of wine for my own consumption during the five days I was in Glasgow. It was, of course, “pishin´doon” at the time and my cousin had a train to catch so we just rushed into a mini-market and I picked up the first bottle of Spanish white I found – there was very little to choose from.

Two shocks were in store for me.

One: The label on the “back” of the bottle was in English, provoking a ripple of cultural aversion throughout my body.

Two: There was a price tag of 6.49.  Pounds!  What this provoked in my system might better be left unsaid, though for those of you who require definitions, the terms “Wall Street” and “Crash” came to mind.

So I got back through the rain to my hotel, cadged a big wine glass from the friendly bar staff and worried about not having a corkscrew.

I needn´t have bothered.  This was a screwtop wine, as easy to open as a bottle of Irn Bru.  And on a first quaff, it was patently obvious  it had been Made From Girders too.  Rusty ones.

Irn-Bru

Though soft on the palate on the first sip and clean on swallowing, when it hit the “spot” it was full-on, rust-producing, physiognomy-altering acid!

Lemon floor-cleaner

At the mini-market checkout, I´d had misgivings about the ” exuberant lemon gooseberry character” of this wine. I should have trusted my instincts. While many Spanish wines have grosella (berry) tones, combined with lemon this La Casa de Sitios de  Burgos brew was more like fregasuelos (floor-cleaner) than fine wine.

After a couple of scungy sips, I wondered what IS this stuff?  Only then, with the offending bottle by the scruff of the neck,  did I realise it was supposed to be a Rueda. Given the hurry, I´d failed to notice that this wine, La Casa de Sitios de Burgos, bore my beloved Rueda logo. I couldn´t believe it.

Rueda Denominación de Origen

So, Glaswegians and other lovers of white wine – avoid this costly Made in Spain from Girders liquid unless you prefer to pay more for your toilet sloonger.  It´s not representative of Rueda wine and is doing a huge disservice to Spanish wine as a whole.  It´s so unpleasant it´s not so much oxidised as iron oxide en estado puro.  Quite frankly, I don´t know how it remains on sale – anywhere.

El PajeMy advice is that you spend a quid on Scotland´s other national drink, the cheap, unpretentious and infinitely more enjoyable,  Irn Bru and keep your cash for a Spanish wine that´s truly worth the money. For example, try Hipercor´s €1.75 El Paje, 2011, as fruity and fresh a verdejo you´re ever likely to get at the price. 

 

 

 

 

The Effects of Eviction

 

Spanish poet, Rafael Alberti, wrote about an existentialist crisis in his poem Desahucio (Eviction).  Like a house without furniture, he is empty and wonders what forces or “angels” will rent the space again:

“qué ángeles malos, crueles,

quieren de nuevo alquilarla?”

This is a question many Spanish desahuciados might be asking, particularly since some evictees are thrown out of their flats only to suffer the indignity of watching them being taken over by squatters.

And perhaps more urgently, there´s the question of what to do with the belongings that filled these homes, if the bank hasn´t appropriated these as well.

Obviously, evicted mortgage holders who can´t meet the payments to keep a roof over their heads can´t afford to pay for self storage for their effects either.

So what happens to their stuff?

For now, in Madrid, the Almacén de Villa storage area located in an industrial estate in the dormitory town of Coslada, is providing an answer. This free storage option run by Madrid City Hall is allowing evicted citizens to keep their belongings there and stop worrying about their possessions in order to concentrate on sorting out their housing situation.

What is not clear is for how long these evicted people will be able to leave their belongings there. Under normal circumstances, after two years, stored goods have one of four destinations.  If they are of any value, they are put up for public auction. If they are suitable for furnishing local administrative offices, they are used in this way.  Anything else of use is donated to NGOs and finally, what nobody wants or needs is recycled as rubbish.

What Spain needs, however, is for the citizens who have been evicted to be rehoused and to be able to redeem their furniture and other belongings.

And start again – leaving this economic and existentialist crisis behind them.

Eviction

 

The Day Pigs Flew

Confused bird

Is it a pig?

Rain, rain ….

Two weekends ago, despite the rain, we made a quick trip to Extremadura. While this might not be the first tourist port of call that comes to mind when one tires, as one does, of Mediterranean cruises, Moorish paradises, Asturian folklore and Barcelona´s Barri Gotic, this neglected part of Spain has to be next on the list.

 

Tierra de Conquistadores

Holed up against the drizzle at the Villa Xahariz  in Jaráiz de la Vera (Cáceres), we were already aware that Extremadura is the “Land of the Conquerors.”

Two of the most famous conquistadores, Francisco Pizarro and Hernán Cortés, hailed from there before sailing forth for South America with God, gold and glory on their minds – mostly gold, if the truth be known.

We saw nothing to remind us of these two sons of the Empire, apart from the odd weird shop name (Peluquería Moctezuma, no less) but as we nipped in and out between showers we did get to visit the stunning Monastery of Yuste where the Holy Roman Emperor, Carlos V, spent his last, gout-ridden, months.

I can barely imagine a more depressing haunt in which to face one´s maker; dark drapes, austere furniture and religious relics everywhere. And not only that, what would be the Emperor´s very deathbed faced a specially-hewn vent in the bedroom wall to allow him to see Mass from his bed.  ¡Extremadamente duro!

So in this post I want to focus on  another, more luring draw from the supposedly “very tough” Extremadura which we found to be almost exotically, South Americanny green, probably thanks to those plant-picking conquerors again.

Peninsular Pigs

Pata negra pig

It is a pig, surely?

 

I´m talking about the herds of black, free-range, acorn-snaffling pigs native to the Iberian Peninsula believed to have been brought by the Phoenicians from the Eastern Mediterranean where the pigs may have interbred with wild boars.

As opposed to the so-called cerdo blanco which is bred intensively,  stabled and fed fodder, the pata negra, or “black hoof,” moves about freely, burning more calories than its pink cousins.  The fat of these leaner, almost hairless pigs stays deep in the muscle, giving it a unique taste and texture.

While it´s the pata negra ham that is best known, the whole pig is enjoyed, right down to the blood, face and trotters!  Not for nothing do the Spaniards have the saying, del cerdo hasta los andares –  from the pig, eat right down to the trot!

Carlos V litter

Is it a cot?

 

(I wonder if the old pata negra himself,  Carlos V, in his specially- designed carry-cot-cum-pram-cum-wheelchair found some cheer in his last days in plentiful supplies of serrano ham.

Or maybe tucking into it his whole life caused the gout in the first place. Note To Self: don´t bother finding out).

 

 

 

Bird-Brained Brit

Anyway, it was unsurprising that pigs turned up on the dinner menu at our hotel. Yet as I was checking out the Pluma Ibérica Rellena de Jamón Ibérico y Foie Y Reducción de Higos Pasos al PX not only did I think it referred to some kind of poultry (pluma, feather) but I had to have the PX explained too.

Well, there was no poultry for bird-brained me.  Apparently PX stands for Pedro Ximénez sweet sherry and the whole thing was a special cut of Iberian pork stuffed with Iberian ham and foie with a sweet, fig sauce.

Well, I was up for that, but I do think that the names of pork cuts in Spanish are very strange. I´d had secreto de cerdo before but nobody, perhaps on purpose, told me what the secret was!

Indeed, in some cheapo restaurants the secret seemed to be that it wasn´t the secreto cut at all but some tough imitation.

Pluma ibérica cut

 

The pluma, in fact, which I´ve seen translated as the featherloin, is the frontal, cranial, triangular part of the loin.

And it is rather feather-shaped.

It´s not very thick and weighs about 200 grams and only two are found on each pig.  (I, happily, had both).

Because of the quantity of fat marbled through it, the pluma is only for the plancha and indeed this seems to be relevant for the secreto mentioned above too.

My pluma, served with a long scribble of the Reducción de Higos Pasos, was delicious, juicy, light, tender and tasty.

So the next time you´re faced with pluma on your plate, remember that it´s not poultry but pork.

Winged Pig

Is it a bird?

 

A Dead Cert

Malassie kitty

Terrifying …

Halloween Party Time 

On Saturday we had a Halloween Party for nine, Spanish teenagers.  It was a big success, which is great, since like most parties it was a lot of work, not to mention quite a bit of expense.

I spent half of last week wandering around Alcalá de Henares for decorations and bits and bobs for Malassie´s “cat” costume.

I also downloaded creepy songs and monsterly sound effects on Spotify and I swiped the bones (sorry) of a story from a site on urban myths and re-wrote it for a scary storytime.

All day Saturday was spent (a) cleaning the house and (b) dirtying the house with spider web,  decorations and balloons.

Then I spent an inordinate amount of time with Malassie in the kitchen wrestling with the intimidating phenomenon of the “cupcake”. This was one of the big draws of the party and featured in the invitations. We just had to have Halloween cupcakes and I was a bag of nerves.

I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by buying them ready made but I didn´t like the supposedly Halloween ones in the shops (with their funny faces  they looked more like something out of Sesame Street than Nightmare on Elm Street to me). Even the relatively new Taste of America shop couldn´t come up with the goods – their Halloween cupcakes were small and squidgy.

Taste of America

So it was up to Malassie and me. We put green and orange icing on our misshapen cakes and Malassie´s  wee, nail-arted fingers were quite deft at making black fondant cats, bones, spiders and witch´s hat cake decorations.  (After all, until recently she´s spent her  whole life messing about with plasticine).  It was our first try at making cakes and they turned out pretty weird indeed but, much to my surprise,  everybody loved them.

Hubby made finger foods (almost literally, in the case of some frankfurters with a blob of ketchup as blood and an almond as a nail).  He served up “drinks of blood” – orange Fanta turned red with grenadine – and “bat wings,” which were actually chicken.  (Of course)!

The best moment was at the end of the scary story.   “Dadi” as the Spanish kids were calling him, burst in on them from the terraza in a Scream mask. Particularly scary (to my mind) was that he´d had recourse to nothing other than the filthy broom I use for sweeping up deadheads as a psycho-killer weapon. There was just the tiniest tinge of real fear, however, among the hilarity and noise.

A typical Halloween, then?

Actually, no.  What I´ve found interesting this Halloween isn´t that  the supposed “American” tradition has become so widespread (though that means I didn´t have to make my own decorations like I did before) but that it´s sitting so comfortably back-to-back with the Spanish Todos los santos, All Saints´ Day.

Indeed, one Spanish acquaintance mentioned there was a holiday this week for “Halloween.”  There isn´t – the holiday is the Catholic All Saints on the 1st of November – but she obviously saw no conflict in having the 31st of October stand in for it.

So I began to think that both celebrations were one and the same.  Celtic or Catholic, they each have their little bit of gore to scare off any dead men walking.  The bakeries here were full of delicious little marzipan fingers called huesos de santo (saints´ relics), filled with a creamy, sugary paste called yema to represent the bone marrow.

And as I pulled the cakes out of the oven, slightly underdone and lightly burnt at the same time, I realised that the cupcake is little more than the Spanish magdalena that half of Spain has for breakfast every morning.

But in the end I decided that there was one crucial difference between Halloween and Todos los Santos.

Belief.

Halloween is about the fear of the dead and all the creatures of the night but it´s just for fun.  Todos los santos is about remembering loved ones and taking flowers to their graves.  It´s rooted in the belief, or at the very least the hope, that one day, family members will be reunited again.

It´s deadly serious.

I wonder if Halloween and Todos los Santos can co-exist or if the former will supplant the latter.

And I wonder which of those outcomes is the truly scary one.

 

Congratulations and Constipations

Chamomile tea - a pretty image for a crappy subject.Here at SpainStruck, we´ve had a few taboo topics – men in corsets, fishy fellatio, Sr. Rajoy with pigtails, fannyfests, necrophilia – no wait, that´s still in draft format. Today, however, we cross a significant frontier into the Windswept World of Constipation.*

Having recently spent a day in pain at the misnamed Urgencias ward (not having gone for five days, an utter lack of urgency was the problem) I feel fully qualified to write this bog, I mean blog, post.

When I was a wee lassie, nasty boys over the back used to shout Dolan, Dolan, yer bum´s a´ swollen.  How I wished that was the case in the casualty ward of Alcalá´s hospital.  Better a swollen bum than the gigantic belly of gas and mass that almost had me wheeled into the delivery room by mistake.

While I fretted about exploding, I was thoroughly examined.  In English “to be examined” sounds gentle and thoughful, intellectual even.  Not so in Spanish, where the verb palpar is used.  This generally means having your sore bits pressed by what appears to be an eleven year old doctor till you scream out in agony.  Fellow underage medical staff and the odd, passing sadist are then invited to have a quick palp too in case any truly excruciating bits have been missed.

Since the fun of this eventually wore off, medical staff then enjoyed pinging on some rubber gloves and carrying out an exploración of my back passage.  Quite what they hoped to achieve with these expeditions was never made clear, unless it was to force my tránsito intestinal to compete in traffic intensity with the Panama Canal.

After a day of this, my tummy kneaded to the point of requiring a tomato and mozzarella topping, I was finally fixed up to a painkilling drip for half an hour. Then I was sent home with a large box with ENEMA printed on all four sides in Rockwell Extra Bold 72 font capitals and instructed to buy three gallons of Duphalac laxatives.

Please feel free to allow your imagination to linger on the contents, instructions and application of the enema box since, fortunately, I´ve blocked them out and am unable to provide you with a detailed account without  Freudian psychotherapy.

Happily, I´m now just a “regular” gal again but I want to save expats from a similar fart, I mean fate.

So here´s the First Expat Guide to Spanish Constipation.

1. It´s not called constipation in Spanish!

When nothing comes up and nothing goes down it´s estreñimiento, a superbly onomatopoeic word to evoke all that unproductive straining. When you are constipado you have a cold and, quite frankly, the people at the Farmacia just can´t get as loudly worked up about it the way they do when you´re estreñido.

 ”Manoli … ¡joder! … ManOLI, this poor dear hasn´t had a shit in a week and she´s bunged up with gas.  What anal suppositories should we give her?  Medium or large?  Finger-functioning or rectal insertion aid?”

Personally, I prefer to have an insertion tube and recommend Microlax and a modicum of discretion.

Microlax. Make a point of using it.

2. Constipation is more likely in a coffee-drinking country than a tea-drinking one.

(Prestigious Research Source of this True Fact: my kitchen cupboard/my toilet bowl).

In my experience, tea helps prevent constipation and coffee doesn´t, despite this.  This is why Spaniards often order smelly, green, unsweetened, unheard of  infusiones in bars instead of something appropriate, like a nice Rueda wine, for example.

So drink tea and if you get a bit blocked buy an utterly bogging, but usually effective, laxative infusion called Manasul at the Chemist.  It´s designed for you to shit yourself thin with, though I´d never use it for weight loss and suggest you don´t either.

Be a thin person with irritable bowel syndrome.

3. Gas is plural in Spanish

Life is a gas they say but in Spanish “gas” in your tummy is referred to as los gases. El gas is  brought to your kitchen by orange-clad  men in similarly-coloured cylinders to allow you to heat up the kettle for your cuppa.

The hospital doctors concluded that my estreñimiento was causing the painful gas visible in large bubbles on my x-ray placa.  Yet I´d tried Spain´s Number One (no, not number one in that sense) remedy for gas and sore, upset tummies: manzanilla.

Chamomile teabagsThis is Spain´s miracle chamomile tea and it´s usually infallible. It´s also available everywhere as teabags.  You can order it in a bar but be careful to ask for una manzanilla and not un manzanilla or you´ll get a dry sherry. (Some foreign waiters don´t quite get the difference yet so you might have to elaborate). And apparently some laxatives, like the Duphalac above, cause gas, so ……

4. Trust Your Local Loudmouth Chemist!

Spanish chemists are not just shop assistants but highly-qualified professionals able to offer medical advice for minor ailments such as constipation. So allow them to provide you with the best product for your particular case.

I did and waddled home with a small bottle of Aliviolas Bio tablets by Aboca. Surely the foulest-tasting pills on the planet, they had me wondering if my fecal farce had necessitated treating like with like, but they nonetheless took me from constipation to congratulations and celebrations overnight.

No chance of overdosing on this shit.

Friends congratulated me, neighbours came up to check on me and my husband decided not to run away and leave me after all.   They all assured me I´d done a great job, though as far as I was concerned,  it was barely passable.

So if there´s all this help available, how did I get to be so constipated in the first place?

Easy.  I thought I knew better and pooh-poohed (if you´ll pardon the expression) the above methods till it was far too late.

So the moral of this story is eat fruit, be active, go at the same time every day and don´t be as full of crap as me!

* I thought about drawing an analogy between my constipation and Spain´s credit crunch.  But I couldn´t be arsed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Wish I Was in Edinburgh

It´s fiesta time in Alcalá this week.  In this, our World Heritage Site, there´s many, many games for kids, some sports, some charity events and even some decent music, including the famous group, La Oreja de Van Gogh and pop star-turned-crooner, Sergio Dalma in free concerts on the spare, rocky  ground behind the Archbishop´s Palace.  There´s even some street theatre and some local classical music groups.

Sergio Dalma

As for the rest?

  • Pinchada de globos (balloon-bursting)
  • Gigantes y cabezudos (big-headed, giant carnival figures)
  • Ofrenda floral al Cristo de las Peñas (floral offering to the Christ of the Clubs)
  • XXV Elección de Míster Damo (male beauty contest)
  • Presentación pública de las damas de honor de las ferias (female beauty contest)
  • Chocolate con bizcochos (hot chocolate and cake)
  • Gran Torneo Multitudinario de Mus (card-playing tournament)
  • Baile del vermouth y sangría para todos (vermouth, sangría and dancing for everybody)
  • Comilona de sandías (watermelon-eating contest)
  • Comilona de flanes (flan-eating contest)
  • Puzzle gigante (giant jigsaw puzzle)
  • Actuación de la Tuna de Alcalá de Henares (university roving band)
  • Charangas (roving brass bands)
  • Corridas de toros (bullfights)
  • Juego de dardos (darts)
  • V Certamen Internacional de lanzamiento de huesos de aceituna (olive pit-throwing competition)
  • Carrera de Triciclos (tricycle race)
  • Competición de Air Guitar (air guitar contest)
  • Concurso de Pulsos (arm-wrestling contest)

There´s also a few strange ones:

  • Con un par de huevos (with a pair of balls)
  • El arrastrafurgoneta (the van-puller)
  • La alpargata voladora (the flying sandal)
  • Concurso de sillas (chair competition)
Bullfighting in Alcalá

Pretty poster for poxy blood-sport

 

Perhaps aptly there´s also a play, “La Cena de los Idiotas,” or Dinner of Fools.

No wonder Alcalá lost the  bid to be the European City of Culture in 2016 to San Sebastián.

 

Edinburgh Festival

Of Wasps and Women

Angry wasp

This summer I´m having a problem with wasps.  No, not the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant variety, like Todd Akin, but the insect variety.

(Come to think of it, the Republican´s  ”knowledge” of the membranes and crevices of the female anatomy might actually render him part of the venomous hymenoptera insect class and as such, eminently exterminable).

Anyway, talking of crevices,  some roof-height ones on our terraza have been colonised by these black-and-yellow-striped waspie beasties.

At first I believed in live and let live.  But after their numbers climbed to a few dozen and I was stung sitting indoors on my own sofa, I decided to fight fire with fire, or more accurately, poison with poison.  (That sting stung! I felt a painful whiplash of venom shoot through my arm and down my side. I´m not allergic to wasp stings, but I don´t know if Malassie is.  So I decided to act).

My first actions were completely useless.  I puffed a bit of fly spray around but the wasps just  dive-bombed away, blowing loud raspberries at me as I choked on the vile chemicals.  I threw a bit of ant powder around but ended up walking it through the house myself.  More mopping.

Spanish hubby, referring to las avispas as  ”ellas”, which I thought was a bit sexist, said the cracks  had to be filled in at night when they were all in sleeping in their wee beds. Well, I wouldn´t have it.  Being “emparedadas” or shut up behind walls, is positively medieval and the miniscule skeletons would remain in our family cupboard, as it were, for millenia.

Meanwhile we can´t sit outside.  Hubby has become the night time laughing stock of the barrio by setting up his laptop at the dingy end of the terraza on an old, butcher-block table I keep fusty plants on before consigning them to the bin.

No wasps there – obviously they have their cool value. Unlike Hubby.

So, finally, and since I´m the family decision-maker in all things, I say to Hubby, “Do It”.   And he does.  While the waspies are sleeping (or on Waspbook and Buzzer or getting a degree on La Waspidad a Distancia) he fills in the front and back entrances to their chalet with plaster.

¡Avispadas!

That night I was in mourning.  Hemingway was here, death was all around and the bells tolled for all of us. Next morning, the place was all abuzz again. The bastards had tunnelled out and were holding a victory Buzz-In around our heads!

So, more plaster …. and more tunnelling! I decided to get some summer exercise in with some step aerobics on a small ladder and a bit of zumba with some Hipercor junk mail.  Up, two, three, ¡zumba!, down (quickly) and jump inside from the Gathering Swarm.

I got quite good at this, not quite Seven in One Blow – more like One in Seventy Blows – but I gifted free eolic energy to the barrio during some very hot weather.

Unfortunately, I broke my favourite planter, battered my boj to bits and almost knocked Malassie unconscious.  My pal Ana suggested I use smoke.  (Just what I need, to burn the house down).

No.  It was time for the big guns.  Silicone.  I can´t get it off my shower-base so wee beasties can´t tunnel their way through it.  And yes, it worked.

For about five minutes. The little bitches set up a petition on Avispaaz and a bunch of wingdignadas showed up, okupied another crack and the whole thing started again.

No wonder Spaniards use the word avispado to mean smart!

Meanwhile, I need bigger guns.

Maybe I should join the Republican Party.

A Woman´s Right to Lose

I´m going to start with a common phrase in Spanish, sin pelos en la lengua, without hairs on my tongue.  It means to speak clearly, directly and sincerely – whether it bothers people or not.  If you did have hairs on your tongue, it would be like trying to explain yourself with a fat quarter of harris tweed in your mouth.

Ineffectual.

I´m going to try to be …  er … effectual.

Gallardón (literally “big, gallant, splendid guy”).

The Spanish Minister of (Divine) Justice, Alberto Ruiz-Gallardón, has decided that fetal malformación should not be a cause for abortion.

Bolstered by a landslide victory last November and a majority in the Parliament (that bar room brawling floor on which Spaniards´ civil and human rights are currently being jodidos, ie. screwed) Gallardón intends to reform the 2010 Abortion Act passed by Zapatero´s Socialist government.

This Act was in keeping with fundamental sexual and reproductive health rights established by the World Health Organization and was based on a time-limit model favoured by most European countries. It made the provision that,  should severe fetal anomalies be detected, there would be no time limit for abortion.

Now, however, Gallardón deems it expedient that Spanish women bring greater numbers of severely disabled children into the earthly paradise that is Spain.

Bosch´s Hell

And we can count ourselves lucky that he isn´t up for totally banning abortion, as it has been for the greater part of modern Spanish history.

Hangers-On

Of course, Gallardón has his supporters.  In a Telecinco debate recently, two gym-toned, siliconed, cabin-tanned, blonde-dyed, designer-clad PP groupies defended the Minister´s proposal before an opponent of the Act called Maribel García.

Despite legislation permitting a termination up to 22 weeks, Maribel was not offered the option of a termination despite many markers during pregnancy indicating that her child would be born so severely disabled he would be incompatible con la vida.

Had she had that option, she would have taken it. Her son Alejandro, now ten, has a disability of 97%.  He has to be spoon-fed, is wheel-chair bound, lacks genitals, cannot speak or walk, requires 24/7 care, sleeps with an oxygen mask, suffers physical and emotional pain and has been in hospital hundreds of times.

Maribel – with her real knowledge of such extreme disability – expressed extreme dismay that termination will soon become an option denied all women in her situation.  She  threw cold water on the claims of the two vociferous peperas (who obviously spend their time at the beauty salon or de plató en plató, from one TV studio to another) and their much-touted “respect for life.”

In the current economic and political climate:

  • the public health service is being dismantled
  • the Ley de Dependencia (care for dependents) is being slashed
  • wheelchair users and other disabled people are surrounded by public, physical barriers to autonomy
  • the Civil War Memoria Histórica movement has been moved off the political agenda
  • hundreds of people are struggling to have Church workers put on trial for stealing babies for adoption

Respect for life?  Is this meant to be some kind of sick joke?

A Woman´s Right to Vamoose

Yet again, Spanish women´s hard-won rights are under attack since women are usually the first casualties of a shrinking labour market.  The common strategy of conservative regimes is to force them back into the home – taking care of the very dependents created by adverse social policies.  Gallardón´s proposal is an expression of this aim.  He has no intrinsic interest in the fate of the disabled.

Fortunately, Gallardón´s despropósito (mad proposal) has been contested by womens´ organizations such as COMPI – (Coordinadora de Organizaciones de Mujeres Para La Participación Y La Igualdad) and by medical experts.

Javier Esparza is an eminent practitioner in the field of  Infant Neuroscience.  In an Open Letter, this neurosurgeon has laid out the terrible consequences of such a reform, with particular emphasis on the suffering of children with congenital nervous system malformations like hydrocephalus and spina bifida.

Esparza´s description of the suffering of severely disabled children is echoed by Gloria Muñoz, mother of Alba who only lived for seven months, in physical pain, from the rare condition, Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  She states that if she was pregnant with such a severely disabled child again she would go abroad to have an abortion.

Political Hypocrisy

And this is really the issue.  The Minister knows that Spanish women who do not want to continue with such pregnancies – and can afford to fly to London –  will be forced into the so-called “abortion tourism” that was rife during the dictatorship.

Women who support Gallardón out of party political, rather than humanitarian, motives are particularly hypocritical.  How many of them will be sacrificing their comfortable lives to the care of a dependent?  No, they´ll be off to London for a termination and a designer handbag.

Keep your theology off my biology

Gallardón´s proposal is not about morality or spirituality but hierarchy, power and control.  It´s not about babies and cute, cuddly toys but enslaving women and men to the care of  individuals to the extent that the struggle for the material requirements of life annihilates their energy for culture, thought or opinion – especially political opinion.

It is disempowerment, especially since the Spaniards now living with such difficult conditions receive little or no support from a government which purportedly defends their rights.

 

Read a reply to the neurosurgeon´s Open Letter from Marta Mezquita, a lawyer with a complex disability.  She raises many points with Esparza, yet still defends the right of women to choose a termination.

A crown of thorns for your kids to colour in.

Suffer the little children to colour me

What I really hate about big, strong Gallardón´s idea is that it is the political use of a tortured and twisted Christianity based on the veneration of suffering and the acceptance of a victim status.

What is truly appalling is that he is never going to find himself in the situation he seeks to impose on others.  Far from brave, it´s cowardice in the extreme, especially since it´s aimed at a collective – women-  he regards as weak.

It´s the Dark Ages,  a macho ibérico, self-serving and paternalistic strategy aimed at aborting the gains of the Spanish transition to democracy.

And it leaves us all politically disabled.

Word of the Week – descolgado

Teléfono rojo descolgadoYes, yes, I know that descolgado isn´t exactly a major lexical revelation to most people who have been learning Spanish for a while.  We´ve all left the phone off the hook – or we did when phones had hooks.

No, my Word of the Week and the one I´ll be monkey-wrenching into conversations for at least seven days is an “old” word in what, for me, is a new context.

Picture it.   I´m at the pool in my faded, nine-year old, fushcia, fuchia, fuck ….. pink bikini.  (Actually, don´t picture it.  Only Wes Craven is fully-qualified for that).

 

Oh no! Not Mo at the pool!

Oh no! Not Mo at the pool!

 

Anyway,  I was having an intimate chat by the pool with one of my favourite neighbours.  We´ve lived up the same “close” for ten years but I don´t know her name and she doesn´t know what country I´m from.

¡Qué grande está tu hija!, the affable lady exclaimed, as she always does when she coincides with Malassie who at this point was sitting on the grass.  The last time they coincided Malassie had let me put a sticky-out dress on her.

A while back.

Mija, drawing daggers at the two, dithery old fogies perusing her, one of them her Mum, is on the edge of that very Spanish phenomenon, the pandilla.

 

Panditas

Panditas

 

You´ll know by now that, contrary to appearances, this term has nothing to do with young, Asian bears but is a group of noisy, rude, gesticulating, cursing, acting-like-I´m-Justin Bieber/Shakira, twelve year old boys and girls flirting unashamedly in a public place.

Since talking about one´s kids is the número uno topic for women here,  I launched into an explanation as to why Malassie was perched prettily and rather primly on the outside edge of the towel-strewn, ten-strong pandilla settlement.

Well, she´s got a couple of good pals at school but they don´t seem to want to come to the pool orthehouseordoanythingandsoI´mtryingtogethertomakenewfriends…..

Bloody hell!  So difficult to explain that Malassie´s school pals are unavailable, for reasons unknown, over the summer so she needs new ones.

But my neighbour, older, wiser, nicer and rather more (totally) Spanish than me said,

“Se ha quedado descolgada.”

SHE´S BEEN LEFT HANGING!

She has, she has (barely stifled sob)!  That´s exactly what´s happened.  Thank you, native speaker!

But by now Malassie´s edging her way into the pandilla, not an easy endeavour for a shy girl.  Fortunately, there´s a nice girl who´s amazed that Malassie´s bilingual and a hot boy ……

….. so, she won´t be descolgada for long.

Colgado por ti

And now I really have to start worrying about her being colgada ….

In love!

That truly IS horrific!